


reassure me

by emotionalpanda



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, I don’t know what this is, Pre-Relationship, but they’re basically married, judy pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalpanda/pseuds/emotionalpanda
Summary: Christmas is coming up and Judy needs some reassurance about her place in the family.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 19
Kudos: 65





	reassure me

**Author's Note:**

> after 2 months of no writing my brain spat out this so enjoy?

There’s something about Christmas that makes Judy’s heart sink. Christmas is supposed to be happy, sure, but often it isn’t. Something fails and everything falls apart like a poorly baked cake that comes out crushingly crumbly. 

Judy’s learned to accept that cake is always crumbly. It’s not that big of a deal, really. If the cake is too crumbly you can just drown it in icing and maybe, just maybe, no one will notice how shitty of a baker you really are. 

+

“What do you want to do for Christmas?” Jen asks. 

Jen unwraps a candy cane and sticks the straight end in her mouth, using the curved end as a handle. Her lips are red, glossy red, and Judy can’t help but stare at them. 

Having a crush on your straight(?) best friend is the  _ worst _ kind of agony, Judy thinks. It’s hyperbole. Of course, there are agonies worse than this. Death by chainsaw, probably. Her entire childhood. Her entire relationship with Steve. 

Judy’s never been jealous of a candy cane before. 

Life is a constant journey, Judy thinks.

“Hello?” Jen says, waving her hand to get Judy’s attention, “Earth to Judy? Did you astral project to the moon without telling me? At least tell me you got me some fucking moon rocks…”

Judy snaps out of her train of thought with a small jump.

“Fuck, Judy, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jen adds.

“It’s okay,” Judy responds. 

Jen gives Judy a look that reads  _ I don’t believe you _ , but Judy pretends she doesn’t notice. 

“So… Christmas? Any thoughts?” 

Judy shrugs, switching back to her usual chipper attitude, “I want to do whatever you want to do! Anything you want is totally cool with me. I just want our boys to have a good time.” 

_ Our boys  _ sounds so natural now. It rolls right off Judy’s tongue and into the air before she can even think to stop it. Judy worries that Jen will notice how much joy Judy gets out of that pronoun.  _ Our. _ It’s three little letters, just one little word, but it means the world. Whenever Judy has trouble sleeping, she counts the ours like sheep until she falls asleep:  _ our, our, our. _

Jen replies, “Once Charlie gets out of his little shithead phase, he’ll have a fucking blast.” 

“Oh, so he’s only a little shithead? I thought I heard you calling him a massive turd the other day,” Judy teases, “like, pull out a plunger kind of big.” 

“Gross,” Jen scrunches her nose in disgust, “Jude, we  _ are _ talking about my—our son.”

Judy’s heart leaps at that correction. 

“And?”

Jen smiles with pride.

“He’s the best turd I’ve ever known. I love him so much.” 

“And Henry? What about him?” Judy asks. 

“Not a turd. Also love, of course. He’s a fucking angel.”

“And… me?” Judy asks, her voice almost a whisper. She breaks eye contact and looks at the floor. She tries to focus on counting the tiles on the floor, tracing their ridges with her mind. Looking at Jen is too hard. Judy’s a grown fucking woman, why does she still need to be constantly reassured?  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

“Judy,” Jen says. Worry hangs from her voice. 

“It’s stupid,” Judy shakes her head. “Forget I asked. I didn’t mean to sound so… so _needy._ Just forget it, it’s fine. Christmas, right? We were talking about Christmas. I was thinking we could bake vegan cookies one day and then non-vegan cake another day, so the kids could experience different kinds of desserts. We could get vanilla icing, or chocolate, or even go wild and get like, a big tub of strawberry buttercream. Anything you want! It’ll be great, and—“ 

“Judy. Stop it.” Jen reaches out and grabs Judy’s hand to give it a quick squeeze.

“You’re right. Strawberry buttercream is nuts, what was I thinking? I’ll go back to the drawing board on that one…”

“Judy. Judy. I love you.” Jen states with as much conviction as a debate student arguing their position on a topic. “I love you so fucking much, okay? I know I don’t say it enough. I’ve really got to get my shit together on that one because you deserve to hear it more often. You deserve to hear it all the time. You fucked my life up but then completely renovated it, like real HGTV shit, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I need you as much as I need our boys. And they need you. You’re just as much their mom as I am.” 

Jen wraps Judy up in a tight hug. Judy’s eyes well up with tears and she sniffles into Jen’s shoulder. Jen grimaces at the mucus but pulls Judy closer. 

+

It’s 12:06 am. They’re both asleep in Jen’s bed, their matching flannel pajama pants making contact under the covers. Judy wakes up just enough to roll over and tap Jen on the shoulder. 

“Jen?” Judy whispers.

“Mmm. What.” 

“If you had to put me on the turd scale, hypothetically, where would you put me?” 

Jen rolls over to face Judy. She reaches out to stroke Judy’s face with her thumb. Judy holds back a gasp. 

“Nowhere. You’re the food, Judy. Like, all of the fucking nutrients.” 

Judy smirks in the darkness, her confidence growing. 

“Oh, so you want to  _ eat me _ ? Is that it? Well, if you ask politely…”

Jen groans, rolling her eyes in the dark. Despite the darkness, Judy can tell that Jen’s smiling.

“Judy. Go the fuck to sleep.” 

“Love you too!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jen mumbles, “Now, stop hogging the blanket. I’m freezing.” 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @lilcodependy


End file.
